The form and qualities of Sri Chaitanya always pervade my thoughts. Thus my heart cries and my body constantly swells.
As I kept crying, a thought arose in my heart. Taking up a pen I have started writing, keeping aside my shame and fear.
I am a ‘Pandita’ (learned one) only in name, possessing no substantial knowledge. Yet I have a strong desire to write the pastimes of Lord Chaitanya.
Svarupa Damodara Goswami and Jagadananda Pandita
Svarupa Damodara Goswami asked me,’ What are you writing Pandita ?’
I said, ‘I am writing about subjects that are very close to my heart. I shall very confidentially record whatever pastimes of Lord Chaitanya I can recollect’.
Svarupa Damodara then said,’Then write about the characteristics and pastimes of the Lord, which on being read, can benefit the world greatly’.
I replied ’I do not know what can benefit the world. I write whatever appeals to me’.
Svarupa Damodara left me alone knowing me to be eccentric. Sitting by myself, I write, meditating upon the Lord.
Staying with Lord Gauranga, I have been a witness to a lot of His pastimes. Therefore I am writing down some of them to please my heart.
Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu and the author (Jagadananda pandita)
One day the Lord smiled at me and said,’You are a renowned queen of Dvarka. And I am a poor beggar. Why do you serve Me? You will find hundreds of sannyasis like Me’.
I replied, ‘Give up your pretense. I am a servant at the feet of Srimati Radharani. Do not speak in this way’.
‘You have stolen the luster of my Radharani. You thief! I am going to catch You and bring you back to Vrindavana’.
‘I desire the lotus feet of Radhika but You want to push me aside and send me to Dvarka instead. This is your mischievous sport’.
‘I know Your activities as a renounced sannyasi very well. You want to deprive us and serve Radhika all by Yourself’.
The author laments remembering the childhood pastimes of the Lord
(Jagadananda Pandita says) O! the feet of Lord Chaitanya is the wealth of one’s devotion. Where have they gone now abandoning me? They have left me alone; and yet I continue to live. I roll about in the ground suffering this intense agony of separation.
Once in my childhood, I quarreled at school and fought with Sri Chaitanya. After this, I became filled with sadness and cried day and night, sitting on the bank of the Ganges at Mayapur.
Feeling compassionate, the Lord came to me before dawn along with Gadadhara Pandita, and called out, ‘Jagadananda! Such anger is not good at all. Give up your stubbornness and speak to Me’.
Seeing the Lord’s face my anger melted away and I asked, ‘Why have you come here so late at night? It must have caused You great pain to walk upon the hard roads of Nadia. Have You undertaken this difficulty just for my sake ?’
The Lord said, ‘Let’s go! The night has ended. Go to your house and eat. Understanding your sadness, even I had been fasting till now. I had left my bed and slept on the floor.
At that time Gadadhara came to my house and we together came here searching for you. It is good that you have abandoned your anger. Now go to your house and tomorrow we can joyfully play together’.
Holding onto the feet of Gadadhara, I slowly raised myself. I could not disobey the orders of Lord Chaitanya. Thereafter, I went to the Lord’s house. There I ate something and drank some water and laid down to rest for a few hours.
In the morning, mother Saci and Jagannatha Misra fed me milk and rice and sent me to school with the Lord. After returning from school, the Lord came over to my house and we ate together.
Love after a quarrel is like pure gold. I felt so blissful in my heart. The Lord said, ‘It is because of our love for each other that we get angry with each other. Each quarrel strengthens our love for each other’.
The author’s love for Sri Chaitanya
One who does not worship moonlike Lord Chaitanya is crazy. If you worship Him, you shall relish the greatest joy. He is an embodiment of magnanimity. Who can possibly forget Him ? He bestows boundless mercy upon His servants.
Lord Chaitanya is my Lord and I shall never desert Him. He is the Lord of my life. I get up and embrace anyone who utters His name and calls out ‘Chaitanya’ .That person becomes my dearest friend.
I do not look at the face of anyone who doesn’t say ,’O Chaitanya ! You are the treasure of my life’. Seeing the face of anyone who has forgotten Lord Chaitanya,even if they be Gods or Goddesses , spoils my morning.
I will beat anyone with a stick who neglects Chaitanya and honors other renunciates. I will throw fire into the mouth of anyone who leaves aside the discussion of Chaitanya and talks about frivolous or meaningless subjects.
If I need to endure pain to please Lord Chaitanya, then let me suffer such anguish eternally. But if He gives up His pleasures and joys and accepts the life of a renunciant, I feel overwhelmed with grief.
Sri Gauranga and Gadadhara Pandita
One day, while playing, my Lord Gauranga, entered the deep woods situated on the bank of Alakananda.
I and Gadadhara were following Him. The Lord then playfully caught a parrot perched on a bakula tree.
Holding the parrot, Lord Gauranga exclaimed, ‘You are the son of Vyasadeva. Please speak about the glories of Radha and Krishna and enhance our bliss’.
The parrot did not do as directed and instead began singing ‘Gaurahari !’. Feigning anger the Lord threw the parrot away.
The parrot began to dance while singing ,‘Gaura Gaura !’. His songs gave rise to ecstatic transcendental emotions of divine love.
The Lord said,’ O parrot ! This is Vrindavana. Sing loudly the glories of Radha and Krishna so that all may hear’.
The parrot replied, ‘Vrindavana is now transformed into Navadvipa. Radha and Krishna have now revealed themselves as Lord Gaurahari.I am a parrot and I chant the name of Lord Gaura in this forest. You are my Krishna and Gadadhara is my Radharani.
Gadadhara and Gauranga are the Lords of my life. I am hence unable to utter any other name’.
The Lord then exclaimed, ‘I am a worshipper of Radha and Krishna.If I hear the chanting of anyone else’s names, I feel saddened’.
Saying thus the Lord grabbed Gadadhara Pandita’s hands and returned to Mayapur, leaving behind the parrot.
The parrot exclaimed,’ You may sing whatever pleases You. But I shall continue my worship (unto Gadai-Gauranga) forever’.
I offer my prostrated obeisances unto the feet of one who contemplates upon the sweet pastimes of Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu.
Sri Navadvipa and Vrindavana
I Know Gadadhara and Gauranga to be Radha and Syama. I also know that the thirty-two square miles of Navadvipa is non-different from Vrindavana.
Why don’t they just die – those who consider Krishna, the son of mother Yashoda, and Gauranga, the son of mother Saci, to be different?
Why do those foolish logicians, who cannot perceive Vrindavana within Navadvipa, continue with their meaningless lives?
Worship of Radha and Krishna, without worshipping of Lord Gauranga is futile
Whoever worships the holy name of Lord Gauranga, His pastime places, His splendid features, and characteristics, I sincerely and unreservedly love them.
Those who, in spite of being born in Bengal (Gauda), do not worship Lord Gauranga’s beautiful form, names, pastimes, and Lord Gauranga’s exalted pastime places – their hearts can never approach or relish the wonderful Names, form, holy abodes, or exalted pastimes of Radha and Krishna.